I hate your face
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
