Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am one with the molecules
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
