I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm like, not good at living.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
