I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
