Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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