friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
