The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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