I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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