and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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