Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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