I must be too annoying 4 u.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize