I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
