im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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