did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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