I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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