he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
