I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
