haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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