i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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