Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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