I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
