They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
