At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My dick has a subreddit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
