sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My hand turned me down
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
