i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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