I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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