Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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