and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
