I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
