Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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