I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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