i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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