you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
