When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
