Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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