so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
