dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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