a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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