The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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