Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
