All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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