end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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