some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize