Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
