Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
