god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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