i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
