dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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