Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
