You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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