so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
