never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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