I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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