i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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