You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
