Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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