Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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