a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
