Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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