twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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