First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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