All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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