He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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