Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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